I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
