girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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