i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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