WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
