two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
