your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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