He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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