Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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