Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
