I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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