Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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