Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
