Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
