i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
