You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
