And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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