So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
third nipple confirmed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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