batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
