Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
