The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
