Don't you send me to vm
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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