She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
