he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
