I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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