well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
