I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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