so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
