Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
