what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
