Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
