ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
