went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am available for nakedness
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
