i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
