And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
