I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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