I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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