They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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