Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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