He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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