Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
