Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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