I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
