She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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