You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
