Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
