Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
