remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
