I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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