genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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