Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
