I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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