I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
