I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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