You're my little dorito
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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