what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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