The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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