Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
