Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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