Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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