you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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