I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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