Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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