You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
