I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
