Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
