I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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