My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
