Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
