how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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